It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
