Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
