I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
