either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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