i just google imaged poop.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
