Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
