they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
