why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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