Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
