EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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