they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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