I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
