Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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