he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
