My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
no, he came in my armpit
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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