I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
