Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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