no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
