Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
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Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
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Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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