If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
