How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
