i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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