i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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