I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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