He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
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I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
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I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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