If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
