This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
