I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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