Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
