1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
