it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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