I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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