i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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