Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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