if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
