did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
