you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
