I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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