oh god the rape fog is back!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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