your parents love me but you hate me
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
