Please, let me fuck your mom
even my farts smell like vagina
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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