Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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