And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
