I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
