Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
