do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
