did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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