video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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