This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
