this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
