Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
