No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
