i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
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I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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