apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize