our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
