So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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