I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
