I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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