He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
