Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
