if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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