guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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