Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
