If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
