I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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