Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
