grandma shit on top of the toilet
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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