Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
