Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
