For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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