She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
