dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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