We're like a lot better than the average bears
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
