Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
