just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
