i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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