i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
