a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You pole danced in your parka.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
