lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
