the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
