she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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