There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
