Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
