3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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