There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
