Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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