Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
