the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
