it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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