i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
