You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
