I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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