He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
