I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
