Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
