So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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