oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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