i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
