Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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