all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
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