There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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