i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
